Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Top Ten Reasons Why Apple Sucks More Than George Bush

I read this and had to share.

George W's presidency and Apple's trendy comeback will probably go down in history as one of the most baffling co-occurring mental illnesses in millennial American history. If I took a bet on who will leave a deeper hole in the growing emptiness of the American conscience, it would be evil iProduce for the win!

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1. iArrogance

Bush thinks he's a genius, but constantly reminds us he's not. Apple thinks they're geniuses, and you're a moron.

2. iNherently Evil

90% of the world hates Bush, and knows why. 90% of the world hates Apple, and they have no clue why.

3. iDesuetude

Bush can only serve eight years and despite his failures, his term will end - we can start anew. Apple's term has lasted 32 years and despite it's failures - it shows no signs of ending. There is no God and Apple killed Nietzsche.

4. iDiscrimination

Bush makes fat people richer. Apple bashes fat people on national television.

5. iCyborg

Bush sounds like a computer when he speaks. Steve Jobs makes love to computers while he speaks.

6. iVanity

Bush wants to conquer parts of the world in the name of defeating terrorism. Apple wants to name the entire world after it's favorite computer... for no reason at all.

7. Boredom iFactor

Bush's addresses can put you to sleep in under five minutes. Steve Jobs' addresses make you want to poke out your eyes, tear off your ears, and hit yourself in the kidneys after 60 grueling minutes.

8. iDeficit

Bush wants us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to repair Iraq. Apple wants us to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to replace our rectangle iPods with square ones.

9. iUgliness

Bush dresses like a stiff capital pig. Apple representatives dress like members of the Blue Man Group.

10. iWarming

Bush's decisions make lands far far away overheat. Apple makes everything in your house overheat.

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Sad thing is, George Bush probably can't even operate a Mac.

 

*Posted by thegecko

GeoCaching… Worldwide Hide and Seek

Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment.

So I decided to find my first geocache with the help of my gps enabled phone. I was amazed to find that there were so many geocaches hidden so close to me. Going to the Geocaching.com website you can see in the image below how many there are in just the South Sarasota area.

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I found one just a few blocks from my house that was called a “microcache” which means it was about the size of a film canister. I loaded an app on my Android phone called c:geo and set off to find the geocache.

The gps took me to within a few meters of where the geocache was hidden and I began looking for it in some bushes because one of the clues was “green cover”.

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After ten minutes of searching I finally noticed a slight change in the green color, only to realize that there was some silk plant parts in the actual bushes.

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When I pulled back the silk plants I discovered my first geocache   that had been there since 2007YAZOO_SMILIES BIG_SMILEIMAG0369Inside was a log sheet with signatures of others that had been here and found it over the years

IMAG0370So I signed and dated it and then returned it back to where it was for the next treasure hunter to find.

The second geocache I took my 2 daughters with me to let them look for treasure. We parked near a trail in Oscar Scherer Park and walked down a dirt trail for about 1000ft watching the gps the whole way.

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This one was off the trail about 20ft  and in an ammo canister. 
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It was filled with a log book and a bunch of treasures left by other geocachers IMAG0375 We signed the log book and collected a treasure (Hailey picked up a gold coin and Heather picked up an Alvin) to drop off at the next spot.

IMAG0376 Along the way we were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery and the fact that we weren’t sitting inside watching cartoons surfing the Internet.

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Geocaching is a great thing to do with your family because it will allow you to be adventurous and find new areas that you may have never been to. They come in all different sizes and usually contain items that people have left there for the next person to find. They even have trackable items that when some one finds they take it to the next place and it gets logged online so you can watch as your item travels from treasure seeker to treasure seeker all over the world. 

Go to Geocaching.com to get started playing this worldwide game that actually gets you off your lazy butt and experience what the world has to offer.

Easy Steps to Geocaching
  1. Register for a free Basic Membership.
  2. Click "Hide & Seek a Cache."
  3. Enter your postal code and click "search."
  4. Choose any geocache from the list and click on its name.
  5. Enter the coordinates of the geocache into your GPS Device.
  6. Use your GPS device to assist you in finding the hidden geocache.
  7. Sign the logbook and return the geocache to its original location.
  8. Share your geocaching stories and photos online.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Live my Life Backwards!

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!"
Woody Allen

2012

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Upside Down Ignorance??????

Because of the type of work I do as a consultant, I am in hotel rooms 75% of my time. I noticed a long time ago when hotels started to install the nice arched curtain rods in the showers. I really like these because they give so much more room when you are in the shower. However, my anal qualities begin to get the best of me when I noticed that the shower rod was installed upside down. When these are installed there is a little raised part at the end on “top” that the shower curtain rings slide over on both ends.

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The reason for this is so the ends will stay in place and you won’t have a gap between the shower curtain and the wall and this keeps water from getting all over the floor. The one drawback with these curtain rods is that they have a tendency to sag so that the center of the rod sits a little lower than the ends making the shower curtain want to move to the center. This little problem was corrected by the inventor my making these humps on the ends the rod to keep the curtain where it belongs and the floor dry.

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The first time I noticed this I just laughed to myself and thought that the maintenance people made a mistake, but 12 hotels later I started to wonder if I was the only one in the world that understood what those little humps where for.

I began to think there was some special reason that every shower rod in every hotel was installed upside down. I started searching on Google for a valid explanation to this mass phenomena, and what did I find… Nothing at all except for a few other people that noticed this same thing in hotels all over the world.

The funny part is that hotels are beginning to have a issue with water leaking on the floor from the shower. Obviously because the curtain won’t stay on the ends as I have explained due to the fact that the shower rods ends are all upside down. But, to my surprise the solution that the hotels have come up with is to spend more money and install splash shields on all the tubs to help combat the mysterious water puddles they have started to see in everyone's room. IMAG0021Think of the cost of a hotel chain buying splash shields for every tub, extra time in room cleanup, and how much extra laundry because of all the wet towels that are used trying to sop up the puddles. I can just imagine how much money Marriott alone would save by just flipping the ends the right way on their shower rods.

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.

I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret... if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them… well, then maybe you're stupid.

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Stupidity is an Epidemic

Johnny Carson was the king of late-night television because he understood what the masses wanted, and who the masses were. He also left us with a stable of memorable characters, including Floyd R. Turbo, voice of the silent majority, who spoke out on important issues of the day. floyd

The only problem was that Turbo’s opinions were borne out of ignorance and based on misinformation. Speaking about nuclear energy, Turbo said, “What’s all the fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?” About baseball, Floyd observed, “Baseball was meant to be played on real grass, with no designated hitter, and all white guys.” And on the subject of hunting, he said,”If God didn’t want us to hunt, he wouldn’t have given us plaid shirts.”

Thirty years ago, Floyd R. Turbo was merely a send-up of what we thought was a minority mindset. Little did we know then that Carson’s creation would survive the creator and become a driving force in American politics.

Today you can see vestiges of Floyd Turbo at every town-hall meeting, except that in addition to being ignorant, these nouveau Floyds are also angry. They think Obama is trying to form death panels to euthanize older people. They think that making healthcare affordable is socialized medicine. And they think a government option is unfair to the private insurance companies that routinely deny claims and drop coverage.

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It’s easy to blame Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin for the steady stream of misinformation being disseminated about health care reform. But the bigger question is, “How did we as a nation get so stupid that we would swallow flawed information so readily?” Rick Shenkman, a columnist for Tomdispatch.com, and author of several books, including Just How Stupid Are We?, theorizes that there are five defining characteristics of stupidity: ignorance, negligence, wooden-headedness, shortsightedness and bone-headedness.

The first characteristic of stupidity refers to ignorance of critical facts about important events in the news, and ignorance of how our government functions.

The second, negligence, is our disinclination to seek reliable sources of information about important news events. Wooden-headedness is the inclination to believe what we want to believe regardless of the facts. Short sightedness is when we support public policies that run contrary to the country’s long-term interests. And bone-headedness is our susceptibility to meaningless phrases, stereotypes, irrational biases and simplistic diagnosis and solutions that play on our hopes and fears.

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Carson was no scholar, but he knew something three decades ago that it took pollsters and social scientists years to figure out. We as a nation have been stupid for a long time, even before Rush and Sarah were born. The University of Michigan began conducting National Election Studies as far back as the 1940s, and their most recent conclusion is that a tiny percentage of Americans know a lot about politics. About 50 percent know enough to answer simple questions. And the rest know next to nothing. Meanwhile, by the 1990s, political scientists Michael Carpini and Scott Keeter reported that there was little difference between the knowledge of parents in the 1950s versus parents a decade later.

So just how stupid are we today? According to a Gallup poll, 18 percent of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. Twenty-four percent of us can’t name the country we fought in the Revolutionary War. A majority of Americans can’t name a single branch of government, nearly half don’t know how many United States Senators we have in each state, and more than half of all Americans cannot name their congressman. And get this: Though most Americans say they are religious and claim to be familiar with both the Old and New Testaments, half of us don’t know that Judaism is older than Christianity. Think about that for a minute.

Comedian Bill Maher recently noted that “ignorance has life-and-death consequences.” bush_huntingHe cited as an example that on the eve of the Iraq war, 69 percent of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in the 9-11 attacks. But four years later, after irrefutable evidence to the contrary, 34 percent still believed the same way. Some of those 34 percent were GOP lawmakers who continued to support George Bush’s war, resulting in the needless deaths of 5,000 American soldiers, and a half-million innocent Iraqi men, women and children.

 

Okay, so the majority of Americans are stupid, and have been for generations, but what does all of that ignorance portend for the next generation? Sadly, most young people have no interest in news and current events. They don’t read newspapers, and only 11 percent actually click on the news page when surfing the internet. In fact, most young folks don’t read anything of substance at all.

bush_dailymirror_dumb_people A study by the National Endowment for the Arts found that in 1982, 60 percent of people ages 18 to 24 read literature, but that by 2004, that number had dropped to 43 percent. This means that a cycle of ignorance is not only continuing in America, but that it is growing, and we are nurturing an increasing number of Floyd R. Turbos to take our place in the future.

In one of his editorials, Turbo, sounding much like Sarah Palin today, said, “Remember, being an American means being powerful, proud and pushy. And in conclusion, let me finish by ending.” Unfortunately, pride and power driven by ignorance is a growing problem in this country. Just attend a town hall meeting, listen to talk radio, or watch Fox News.


Increasingly, Americans are unashamed by their own stupidity, and they don’t care who suffers because of their ignorant objections to much needed reforms. If all of this bothers you, just write to one of your state’s 10 United States senators. But do it before their two-year term is up.




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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Nerd, Geek, or Moron…

Geek

Nerd = Somebody who goes to Star Trek conventions in full Klingon regalia and/or Spock Ears. May also be a WoW addict or other shut-in. Japanophile versions refer to themselves as "Otaku" thinking it's a compliment or Japanese for "Geek" (see below).

Geek = Somebody who goes to E3 and tech conventions. Builds computers for nerds and morons. May also program their own apps and software. Usually pompous and feign exasperation when asked to help fix computers although it's what they live for.

Moron = Person who thinks the internet was invented sometime around 2000 by Google. Refers to a computer tower as the "Hard Drive". May be a Facebook or twitter addict but simple html is a foreign concept. May own an iPhone or other smartphone but only because it's trendy, they need a geek to help them get it working. A sure sign is when you open their browser and they have 12 toolbars installed.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Can you read?

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

If you can raed tihs, psot it to yuor wlal. Olny 55% of plepoe can."

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Association for the Annihilation of Paranoids

If you're paranoid, then we're out to get you.

The organization is now five years old, and our membership is larger than ever. It is estimated that one out of every four people on Earth is now a devoted member. The secret language has been perfected-- it allows us to talk freely, and sounds just like normal small talk. Also, we have an order of special agents who are particularly dangerous, and are all disguised as normal people. Our goal is the annihilation of all paranoid people.

The original theory of this group is to keep people from regarding paranoia as a psychological disorder.

Once this organization was established, people really were out to get paranoid people. Now, however, we mainly focus on our own secret plans.

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